Y Kant Tori Leave

Tori Amos' Boys for Pele was one of the first cds I owned as a kid. My older, cooler, cousin bought it for me when I was in sixth or seventh grade -- I can't really remember, to tell the truth. All I can recall was that I liked a few songs on the album, and either fell asleep to, or didn't understand, the rest. I also remember being shocked by Tori's wail of "STAAAAARFUCKER, just like my daddy" on "Professional Widow." I liked Tori, though. Not too much, but enough; she made playing the piano seem cool, which meant a lot to an asian girl who diligently played her piano every day, growing up.

I kind of forgot about her after that album, though, and went back to fetishizing the Smashing Pumpkins and STP.

Senior year of high school, however, I got back into Tori Amos in a HUGE way. My friend Hero and I mooned over every album, especially Little Earthquakes and Under the Pink. In fact we were so in love with this crazy, red-haired, uber-feminist, that we imagined reasons for liking her atrocious covers album, Strange Little Girls. It had come out earlier that year, and we had coughed up 55 fucking dollars to get nosebleed seats for the supporting concert in LA.

Looking back on it now I can admit that yes, after Little Earthquakes, it was all downhill. Each album became less accessible, lyrically, and more akin to New Age, or Adult Pop Music, musically. I guess Tori was getting older. With her first album she had shocked audiences – channeling raw emotion into powerful lyrics and original music solely composed, classically, with pianos. She was an original, uncontrollable, unpredictable, and easily set-off, twenty-something redhead (though I hear she dyes her hair, and is a natural brunette). On stage she would gyrate and noisily wail while pounding on both (!) pianos – and off-stage she was known as a generous woman who reached out to her fans (often rape victims and gay men)- so much so that she was known for her pre-show and post-show “meet and greets.”

It’s been fifteen years since she debuted as that flame of a woman. Now she’s a mother, a wife... and a really bad musician. Her fanbase is still incredibly devoted; she continues to sell out shows, and her aging fans (dubbed “Ears with Feet”) still sit in huge concert halls, donning fairy wings (apparently they call her “The Fairy Queen”) for the occasion. But these days Tori has resorted to milking those fans for what they’re worth: she charges more than fifty dollars for tickets to her shows, has published an autobiography, and continues to put out unnecessary albums and live recordings that only those diehards would want to buy. She should have known when to end things -- in a burst of flames in the early '90s. Instead she has slowly piddled out, sucking away her fans' dignity, along with her own.

It’s sad, really, because I’ll always hold a place in my heart for her. I’ll keep singing along to “Silent All These Years” (much to the annoyance of my male friends- and well-balanced female ones) and I’ll probably buy the dvd of her collected music videos... if it ever comes out (stupid bitch!). On the upside, I guess she’s sort of a MILF now.

ps. I saw Andy Dick at one of her shows.